Call It By Its Name: Polyamory

Lately, I’ve been hearing more and more people say, “I’m poly,” and I find myself needing to pause. Not because I don’t respect what they’re trying to express, but because that word poly has become too broad, too vague. It’s being used to describe everything from polyamory to polygamy, from polygyny to polyandry, and even swinging or open relationships. These are all different ways of relating, and while they might exist under the wide umbrella of non-monogamy, they are not the same thing.

Each has a different history, a different structure, and a different impact on the people involved. Polyamory is about multiple loving and consensual relationships. Polygamy often comes with legal, cultural, or religious implications, and may not always be consensual or egalitarian. Swinging focuses more on recreational sex than emotional connection. And open relationships vary widely, depending on the agreements in place. So when someone says “poly,” it’s no longer clear what they actually mean.

That’s why I think we need to slow down. To breathe. To be intentional with our language. If we’re going to talk about love, we need to be clear about what kind of love we’re practicing, what agreements we’re making, and what communities we’re speaking into. Let’s take a moment to clarify, not to judge or divide, but to create understanding. Because clarity is care.

Let’s call it by its name: polyamory.

What Is Polyamory?

Polyamory is the practice of cultivating multiple loving, consensual, and emotionally intimate relationships at once. It is not just about sex, not just about freedom it’s about depth, honesty, and presence.

Polyamory asks:

Can you hold love without possession?

Can you offer presence without demand?

Can you make space for joy that’s shared, not owned?

Polyamory shows up as polycules, constellation families, triads, V-form relationships, solo polyamorous folks, and relationship anarchists. It is diverse, fluid, and rooted in intentional connection, not default cultural programming.

What “Poly” Gets Mistaken For

The confusion begins when “poly” becomes a catch-all. But let’s be real: words carry lineage. When you call something “poly” that isn’t polyamory, you water down a sacred practice. Here’s why that matters:

Polygamy

• The practice of being married to multiple partners.

• Rooted in legal and religious structures.

• Currently illegal in the United States.

• Often practiced in patriarchal systems with deep gender imbalances and coercive control.

Polygyny

• One man, many wives.

• Historically normalized in some cultures, but rarely egalitarian.

• Power is typically concentrated in the hands of the man.

Polyandry

• One woman, multiple husbands.

• Extremely rare, usually cultural and situational (e.g., land scarcity in rural Tibet).

• Not widely practiced and not synonymous with modern ethical non-monogamy.

Swinging

• Focuses on sexual exploration, typically within existing couple structures.

• Often does not involve emotional or romantic entanglement.

• “No strings attached” play can be fun, but it's not the same as polyamory's emotional bandwidth.

Why It Matters: Language Is a Spell

When we speak of love, we are casting spells. Words shape our agreements, our boundaries, our expectations. Misusing “poly” confuses intentions, opens doors for harm, and misrepresents entire communities.

A person seeking a deep, emotionally anchored polyamorous relationship might find themselves matched with someone whose idea of “poly” is weekend play parties with no aftercare. That mismatch isn’t about preference, it’s about clarity.

For those of us who are queer, Black, Indigenous, neurodivergent, or otherwise marginalized, clarity is survival. Ambiguity can lead to heartbreak, mislabeling, or worse erasure.

Use the Whole Word. Respect the Whole Practice.

So here’s my love note wrapped in wisdom:

Say “polyamory” when you mean polyamory.

Say “swinging” when you mean swinging.

Say “open relationship” if that’s your path.

Say “polygamy” if that’s your reality.

Ask people what they mean when they say “poly.” Ask with curiosity, not judgment. We are all learning to name our truths more honestly. And that honesty, beloved, is a gift.

Love, Spoken Clearly

In a world that tries to confine love, polyamory is a wild bloom. Let’s not confuse it with structures rooted in ownership, control, or silence. Let’s speak love’s name with reverence. Polyamory is many loves. Not many loopholes.

So when you say “poly,” ask yourself:

Are you invoking freedom?

Are you practicing consent?

Are you leading with care?

If yes, say it fully. Say it proudly.

Say: Polyamory.